My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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