i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
