That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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