Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize