the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
