i need an iv and a liver transplant
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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