Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
