Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
