you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
