My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
