Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
