Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
