No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
