cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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