the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
