That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
