Is it because I queefed?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
