do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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