Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
