There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
