me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
