you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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