You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
