never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
