Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
