White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
