No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
