Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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