Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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