In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
