Sry I called you an 8
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
