I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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