smell my finger.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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