I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
