just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
