She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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