Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
