I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize