I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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