The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
