whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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