Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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