So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize