I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
