I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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