My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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