i was born a porn star she said
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
