Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
