I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
