She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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