I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
