If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
