...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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