just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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