Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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