Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
