hell yes lets make some ravioli
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
