Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
