I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
