tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
