I just made out with a guy for $7.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
