based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize