What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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