if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize