I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
