Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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