she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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