Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
