Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had to cum in my sink.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
