I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
