I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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