If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
