I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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